she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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