I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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