Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
