I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
