After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
