so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
