Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
