Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
