Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i love accidental penises.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
