20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
