I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
