Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
