I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
