Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
