For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
