went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
