no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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