Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
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he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
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i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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