You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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