i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
