What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Randomize
