My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
