had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
