You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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