Can Purell be used as lube?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
