STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
