How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
