His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
