a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
