i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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