Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
