there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
