The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
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He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
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Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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