What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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