So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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