I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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