Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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