You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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