Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
