OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
