i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
