what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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