Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
