His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
