I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
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No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
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Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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