We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
