I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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