its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Randomize
