I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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