im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
