I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
