Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
