I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
