Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
