Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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