STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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