pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My life is pants optional.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
