y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
