it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
